1000 Ways To Die
by Silver Sheilds
Summary: Death is everywhere. Most of us try to avoid it, others can’t get out of its way. There are lots of ways to end up dead. The fact that we survive at all is a miracle, because every day we live, we face 1000 WAYS TO DIE.”
1. 136: Turkey Balled

**1000 Ways to Die**

Chapter 1: Way to Die #136: Turkey Balled

Author's note: This story is inspired by the reality TV series, 1000 Ways to Die, only on Spike TV. This show features deaths that have been reenacted based on ways that people have actually died. The deaths portrayed in this story however are fictitious. Do not attempt the actions depicted in this story. YOU WILL DIE!

Disclaimer: I do not own 1000 Way to Die.

Death...is everywhere. Most of us try to avoid it, others can't get out of its way. Every day we fight a new war against GERMS, TOXINS, INJURY, ILLNESS, and CATASTROPHE. There are a lot of ways to wind up dead. The fact that we survive at all is a miracle, because every day we live, we face **1000 WAYS TO DIE**.

Date: August 13, 2004

Time: 7:29 P.M.

Location: Highway 96, Houston, TX

(Note: This is based on a true story where a friend of mine almost died)

Chuck and Laurie are coming home from a bowling tournament. Happy with their victory, they head home to celebrate their accomplishment. Meanwhile, new driver, Melissa, was just heading home after a night on the town with her friends. Little did she know that she was being followed by a man named David, who had one too many beers. Being of inexperience and the fact that it was dark out, Melissa makes a right turn. Little does she know, she accidentally goes on the wrong side of the road.

Car crash collisions are mostly caused by teens and new drivers, they are extremely prone to error, even after they've gotten their driver's license.

In David's right state of mind, he would've known that Melissa was on the wrong side of the road, but the booze was making him unable to make any rational decision, so he continues to go on the same road as Melissa.

By fate, Chuck and Laurie are on the same road that the newbie driver, Melissa, and the drunken David are on. After a few minutes of being on the empty road, another car passes Melissa, making her come to her senses and pulling over on the left side of the road. David, not being able to see the other car due to his drunken state, continues in this direction. And in a split second, David collides into Chuck and Laurie head-on. The force of the impact caused Chuck and Laurie to bend forward with their faces meeting the airbags, at least they were wearing their seat belts. In the backseat however, both the men's bowling ball bags were unzipped and due to kinetic force, there was only one way for the balls to go.

The kinetic energy of an object is the extra energy which it possesses due to its motion. When traveling at a high velocity and you get stopped by an obstacle, anything that isn't held down properly will keep going forward at that same velocity. For example, if you were driving at 60 miles per hour and you crashed into something and weren't wearing your seat belt, nothing would be there to stop you, you would just keep going at the same speed your car was going and smash into the dashboard or right out the windshield and you could get seriously injured or die. When you do wear your seat belt, a locking mechanism tightens the belt when pulled fast, and if you do get into a crash, it stops you, but in the bowling balls cases, nothing was there to stop them, their bags were wide open, there were no restraints on them, so they could only keep moving forward.

The balls were forced out of their bags and were sent hurling forward, smashing through the head cushion of Laurie's seat and narrowly missing his head. The balls smash through the windshield of Chuck's car and into the windshield of David's car at a high velocity. Chuck's ball misses David's head his face meets the airbag, but when his body rocks back, Laurie's ball was able to pick up the spare.

The bowling ball smashed in David's face and the force of the ball crushed his brain. Death was instantaneous. Being on the left side of the road, Melissa immediately got out of the car and rushed over to the scene of the collision. She first checked out Chuck and Laurie to see if they were alright. Thankfully, they have only sustained minor injuries. However, much to her horror, David wasn't so lucky. The ball was lodged into his head, making him barely recognizable. Melissa immediately calls 911, and is extremely grateful that it wasn't her who got a bowling ball to the face, but now is probably more cautious on the road due to her and David's actions.

In driving, there is no such thing as accidents, only collisions. These collisions are caused by humans, and of course, "To err is to human, to forgive is divine." But would you be able to forgive someone for causing an accident and you being a part of it. Today, 95% of all accidents could have been preventable. Almost everything is preventable, all we need to do is take the extra time to take the necessary precautions, so we don't end up with any of the heartache from Chuck, Laurie, and Melissa. But more importantly, to prevent ending up like David.

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Thank you for taking the time to read this, hopefully this has made you more aware of the accidents that go on in our society, and a little wiser. The point of reality shows like 1000 Ways to Die and stories like mine based off of it is to scare you straight, so you don't end up dead. I'd like to personally thank my driving instructor, who has taught me so much about driving and the safety measures needed. I'd also like to thank my friend, who almost met her end due to an experience similar to this. She had a bowling ball in the back of her car, and if she had been an inch taller, she would be dead now. I am extremely grateful that she didn't die, that would have caused a lot of heartache for all of us. Now as this story goes on, I'm going to tell you of more ways to meet your end and how you can avoid it. Hopefully, you will be much wiser and much more careful.


	2. 666: Pain in the Ass

Chapter 2: Way to die #666: Pain in the Ass

They say that the elderly are kind, gentle, and warmhearted souls. But if you worked in a nursing home, you would think otherwise. Especially if you were taking care of Bernard. Bernard has Alzheimer's Disease, making him forgetful, irritable, and extremely aggressive. To make it worse, he has some anger management issues which didn't take much to set him off. Sometimes, Bernard would attack someone for no reason, his habits included throwing food whenever it was given to him, throwing his incontinence pads at the nurses whenever they try to change him after he's taken a dump, and he would even attack someone for no reason. Bernard was a CNA's absolute worst nightmare, however, they kept him in the nursing home because his family paid them over a hundred thousand dollars a year to care for him.

Alzheimer's, is the most common form of dementia. This incurable, degenerative, and terminal illness was first described by German psychiatrist Alois Alzheimer in 1906 and was named after him. Although each sufferer experiences Alzheimer's in a unique way, there are many common symptoms. In the early stages, the most commonly recognized symptom is memory loss, such as difficulty in remembering recently learned facts. When a doctor or physician has been notified, and AD is suspected, the diagnosis is usually confirmed with behavioral assessments and cognitive tests, often followed by a brain scan if available. As the disease advances, symptoms include confusion, irritability and aggression, mood swings, language breakdown, long-term memory loss, and the general withdrawal of the sufferer as their senses decline. Gradually, bodily functions are lost, ultimately leading to death. Basically, it's different for all Alzheimer's patients, they can do the most outrageous things which would disgust just about everyone. They are very unpredictable and very obscene sometimes because they are not in their right state of mind.

One night, a male CNA was doing a routine checkup with Bernard. After taking his heartbeat, blood pressure, and pulse, along with some resistance, it was time to take his temperature. And since the CNA knew that Bernard would most likely resist to oral thermometers, axillary thermometers, and tympanic thermometers, he decided to bring out the big guns, a rectal thermometer.

Rectal temperature-taking, especially if performed by a person other than the patient, should be facilitated with the use of lubricant. Although rectal temperature is the most accurate, this method may be considered embarrassing in some countries or cultures, especially if used on patients older than young children; and, if not taken the correct way, a rectal temperature-taking can be uncomfortable and in some cases painful for the patient.

But this was the only way he could take Bernard's temperature without much resistance, or so he thought. When he took off Bernard's pad and was about to stick the thermometer into his anus, he resisted. Thinking it would help, the CNA explains the method of how to use the thermometer. However, Bernard grabs it from him and tries to do it himself. Trying to get it back from Bernard, the CNA struggles with him, but it's too late. Bernard quickly sticks it into his bong hole. Unfortunately, it's better to leave it to the professionals. Bernard began to bleed then he quickly passed out. When Bernard stuck the thermometer into his buttocks, he did it too quick and too far, causing him too accidentally stab himself in the inferior rectal artery.

The inferior rectal artery arises from the internal pudendal artery as it passes above the ischial tuberosity. Piercing the wall of the pudendal canal, it divides into two or three branches which cross the ischioanal fossa, and are distributed to the muscles and integument of the anal region, and send offshoots around the lower edge of the gluteous maximus to the skin of the buttock. They anastomose with the corresponding vessels of the opposite side, with the superior and middle rectal arteries, and with the perineal artery. When he stabbed himself there, blood kept pumping from the heart to the inferior rectal artery.

This was the situation the CNA was trying to prevent from what he knew in his medical training. He quickly left the room to inform the doctor. Bernard was sent to intensive care, but he died on the way to the hosptal due to excessive blood loss.


End file.
